


Steel Cherry

by extremelyperturbed



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Other, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 05:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14928233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extremelyperturbed/pseuds/extremelyperturbed
Summary: Vanessa and Wade talk about whether it's actually possible to pop Colossus' cherry.





	Steel Cherry

"Want blueberry pancakes?" said Wade to Vanessa as he flipped pancakes while wearing nothing but a long cooking apron in their kitchen.

"Of course," said Vanessa, trying to suss out what exactly he was angling for. Brunch was something he would break out when he really wanted to do something but wasn't sure about how she'd react.

"And I even got golden raspberries and mixed up some mimosas," he said, handing her a glass.

"Uh, huh," she said before taking a sip. Fresh squeezed orange juice and the good champagne, she noticed. 

After he sat down, she took a few bites of the pancakes. They were fluffy, made with buttermilk the way she liked them, and topped with real maple syrup and a pat of butter. "They're great."

"You know how I like to say everybody at the mansion is a virgin."

"I remember."

"I was thinking . . ."

"Thinking . . ."

"That maybe we could help Colossus pop his cherry."

Vanessa frowned. "Are you sure he's a virgin?"

"He's a big metal guy and he was looking so wistful and sad at Negasonic and her girlfriend, saying he wished he had something like that. I'm pretty sure."

Vanessa tried to imagine him naked. "Is he proportional? Because my vagina and your ass can only stretch so much." 

"Yes, p in v sex is probably not the best bet. I was thinking you could put a Jeff Stryker dildo in your harness and give him a good pegging while I take care of his monster with my hands in the front. Though I do know of a scientist named Hank Pym who might have technology that could either shrink Colossus to manageable size or make us big enough to take him."

"If he's a shy boy, that's getting way too many people involved. Are you sure the Jeff Stryker dildo is big enough? He's massive. I don't want it to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway."

"Oh, he's an utter tight ass. It should be the right size. You should be sure to ladle lots of lube on that thing before use."

"Have you asked him if he wants you and me to pop it?'"

"Not yet, I wanted to make sure you were on board because to be honest, I don't know if he likes girls or boys or both."

"When you do ask him, make sure that he is enthusiastic in his consent. Don't badger him into this."

"I would never do that!"

***

"So, do I have to make a weekend stop at the sex shop for supplies or . . ." said Vanessa as Wade walked in through the door.

"He turned my offer down," said Wade, weeping.

"Why?" said Vanessa.

"He said he didn't want pity sex. He's holding out for one true love, Disney hearts and flowers," said Wade. "The way he said it, it was so beautiful."

"It is sweet," said Vanessa. 

"And so completely insane," said Wade. "Now I have to find him a big metal . . . Oops, I forgot to ask him which he prefers."

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Colossus is never seen as non-metal in the two Deadpool movies so let's roll with the idea that he's metal all the time or Wade thinks he is.


End file.
